Review of If I Tell You

If I Tell You by Alicia Tuckerman (2018)

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I just mean being comfortable and happy is more important than making some big announcement. If you’re happy being you, proud to be you, people will start to notice and they’ll figure it out for themselves. – Mr Gilroy

If you have to keep something a secret, if you’re too afraid to tell someone about it, then you’re probably doing something wrong. – Andrew Summers

Every book I read owns a piece of me. Books are how I learn, how I feel and how I escape. But not many books can make me cry. Those are special books and own a larger piece. Those are books that generally catch me by surprise. And catch me be surprise If I Tell You did. When I picked it up I didn’t expect to read it in less than 24 hours because it was so captivating. I didn’t expect to become emotionally invested in the development of Alex and Phoenix’s relationship and I didn’t expect to be crying after I finished it. But all of that happened. The story is simple girl (Alex Summers) meets the new girl in town (Phoenix Stone), falls in love, comes out of the closet, faces grief from small closed-minded town. Set against the background of the final year of high school in rural Australia with all that can mean. It is a beautiful story I’m glad I took the opportunity to read and recommend others do too.

I liked the characters. Even the characters that were disliked for plot reasons I liked because they felt real like their actions and perspectives were perfect for characters that have grown up in a small community. Justin’s arc was fantastic, he would be so easy to hate, he says some pretty ugly things at one point, but I couldn’t hate him for his pain. Lin is an interesting character. I’d be interested in knowing where her inspiration came from. Andrew Summers is a great father he has disheartening moments, but I can’t imagine this situation playing out better any other way. Van is a sweetie, there was a detail I kept forgetting about him that was key to the story which explains him. His whole deal was just brilliant in context.

As for the leading ladies, the easiest way to describe them is frustrating. Even in Alex’s head, I didn’t understand what was going on in there half the time. I won’t lie and say I know what it is like to be in her shoes though, or Phoenix’s. Phoenix I liked but her secrets were clear, we just weren’t told about them, not a clue. I’d love to reread If I Tell You and see if the indicators were there. My frustration with them came from not being able to pick the endgame. But I loved their multifacetedness, their reluctance, their togetherness.

There is a lot of phobia in If I Tell You. But no more than I would expect from a small county town, the sort of town where everyone knows everyone, where there are no secrets. Australia isn’t the most progressive of places when it comes to LGBTQIA+ issues. But before this book was recommended to anyone that prevalence of phobia needs to be taken into consideration. What I liked about it was the reality of it. By hiding her homosexuality Alex saw what the hate, the fear from those closest to her. I liked the language used ugly as it was because it is so Australian, people talk like that, I could hear it with the correct intonation in my head. And it really is a quotable book, so many strong quotes about secrets, self and owning your sexuality, including a brilliant quote about coming out and the repetitive nature of it, it’s not a one time thing.

Purely for the fact that so many young women (and some men) will relate to the characters in If I Tell You I think it should be in libraries, particularly rural libraries. If I Tell You gives voice to so many who have for so long been voiceless, it is time they are heard.

My reading experience in a gif:

Crossposted from Goodreads

References

Cover for If I Tell You. (n.d.). Booktopia. [Image File]. Retrieved from https://www.booktopia.com.au/http_coversbooktopiacomau/big/9780646961255/if-i-tell-you.jpg

Im not gonna cray Michelle Trachtenberg. (n.d.). Giphy. [Image file]. Retrieved from 

McPherson, C. (2018d, April 29). Catherine McP's review of If I Tell You. Goodreads. [Goodreads Review]. Retrieved from https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2375319008

Tuckerman, A. (2018). If I tell you. Neutral Bay, Australia: Pantera.